Monday, October 4, 2010

5-Hour Energy

5-Hour Energy, by Living Essentials, is for pussies. That's what I get out of these lame-ass commercials that promote the product on the basis that it cures "that 2:30 feeling". What the pissing dog shit is "that 2:30 feeling", you ask? I didn't know, so I looked it up:


The commercials seem to imply that the feeling in question refers to sleepiness. But then why call it "that 2:30 feeling"? We already have a word for sleepiness, it's called sleepiness you shitheads! Use that! Or hell, at least make up a word or phrase that doesn't make you sound like you have your collective thumbs up your collective asses. Just imagine if you went to an abortion clinic and they offered to cure "that fat feeling". Would you risk paying for an operation that's no more professional than just jamming a coat hanger up your vagina? That's what 5-Hour Energy is like, jamming a coat hanger up your vagina.

And of all the possible times they could have chosen to associate with sleepiness, they chose the afternoon. What the hell? That's like making a commercial for constipation medicine that says you should take it specifically when you have explosive diarrhea! That's probably how this entire advertising campaign was made. Sleepiness at 2:30, what a load of shit. Here's a better solution for midday sleepiness: over the next month, make a tally of every time you are sleepy and it's not because you just woke up or are up too late. At the end of the month, for every time you were sleepy, kill yourself.

34 comments:

  1. I feel the same way. What ever happened to just plain old coffee in the morning? Nobody whined about being tired from doing their boring ass office job. Good post.

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  2. its because between 2 and 3ish is when we feel most tired during the day, as humans are naturally inclined to sleep twice during the day, and this was one of those times.

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  3. ugh, I hate these commercials too, getting in the way of my television programming and shit. finally a site that lets me know others hate these commercials just as much as I do.

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  4. hehe totally agree, just have a coffee

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  5. this post made me laugh so damn hard.
    cheers mate

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  6. It's good to see that you're beating inertia today :)

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  7. I just stick to an espresso throughout the day and I'm golden.

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  8. I just drink five or six Rockstar energy drinks throughout the course of a day and I feel good all the time :)

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  9. people need to man the fuck up. seriously.

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  10. You've got some good creativity in this blog!

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  11. lol well I'd way rather have that 2:30 feeling than ram a coat hanger up my vagina. I'll stick to just falling asleep during the day lol.

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  12. Never seen the ad, but fuck did I laugh. Good one.

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  13. okay seriously, "2:30 time" is just stupid :D

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  14. Thanks for visiting me, not a bad post of yours either =D

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  15. How much energy do you need to sit at a desk anyway

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  16. good follow up post to yesterday's

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  17. I've got a new slogan for them.

    5-Hour Energy: 'cause you're just that silly!

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  18. B-But the guy in the commercial looks so happy to use it.

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  19. lol at the end. But from my experience in graveyard shifts, that stuff works

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  20. Thanks for your comments on my blog. Beating Inertia has a new Q&A post!

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  21. Great post!

    looking forward to reading the next one

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  22. the comments you left on my last blog post were really helpful :)

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  23. Rageman, I think you and I are going to be friends. I agree wholeheartedly with this post.

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  24. Just imagine, 10 years ago, there weren't thousands of energy products, and now people "need" them to function.

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  25. Good work! Following and Supporting!!

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  26. actually, in a normal human sleep cycle, assuming it's a normal one... if you sleep 8hours and you're awake for 16 hours, about half way through your waking life (8ish hours of the 16 that you spend awake) you'll get a feeling of sleepyness. This happens regularly to anybody on a very regular sleeping schedule.

    In other words: people that work a 9-5 get that get that middle day sleepiness sometime around 2-3pm. This simply shows that 5 hour energy is targeting the 9 to 5er.

    Personally, i still hate 5hr myself lol. i'll enjoy a redbull for a little boost here and there, but i wouldn't ever depend on it!!

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  27. Stupid commercials just promoting a stronger caffeine alternative. Avoid the so called "2:30" by eating healthy and working out then you'll have energy all day. Or if you constantly get it, you're probably sick and should get a check up.

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  28. The only time i get that "2:30 feeling" is when its 2:30 in the morning, thats what those drinks are for pulling all nighters

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