Burger King

You already know what I'm talking about. If you don't, it's because you've spent the past two months homeless, in a third world country, or in a rape dungeon. Or more likely all three. Either way, I still envy you for not having had to listen to this fucking terrible shitty-ass cock-shitting cat-raping bucket of CRAP!

Why couldn't Burger King afford to hire actual musicians? There are musicians out there who are so poor that they'd work for coupons good for a free order of fries when purchased with a burger of equal or greater value. And yet the gigantic corporation decided that was too expensive and went with some random tone-deaf assholes. You get what you pay for, dumbasses!

Even the lyrics are goat menses. For one thing, anyone over the age of eight who uses the word "yummy" permanently revokes their right to respect from their peers. Usage of "tummy" confers a loss of self-respect as well. Finally, the usage of "hoot" as a noun fully justifies waterboarding. And why the hell are these people so damn insistent on pointing out that they use flutes? Is that supposed to be funny? If you're attempting to be funny, then try shoving the flute up your dickhole! (I'm not saying that as a suggestion to make the commercial funnier, by the way, I'm saying that because you really, really deserve a flute up your dickhole.)

The only thing this commercial succeeds at is making Burger King a much more embarrassing place to visit.

Although to be fair, maybe it should be a more embarrassing place to visit.